drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
