tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
3pm strippers are depressing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
