Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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