Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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