what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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