Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
