The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
