is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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