I'm gonna have a badass scar
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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