Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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