Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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