He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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