god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
