I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
