My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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