trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
