I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
