I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
