Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
