My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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