I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
we should paint friendship bongs
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