you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
