He is an equal opportunity slut.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
