Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
