Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
