the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
