sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize