he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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