This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize