I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
