the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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