I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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