she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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