I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
