Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
