I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
