first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
