chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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