U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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