Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
