I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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