so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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