I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
