That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
