What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
