Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
