dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
