Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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