her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize