I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
