oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
