your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize