i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
