If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
