She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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