If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
