Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize