i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
