omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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