On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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