my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
