This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
