I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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