Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
