My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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