I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
