You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
