Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
