i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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