Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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